Infatuation. It’s exciting. It’s also short-lived. Infatuation can blind us and make us think that we want something that maybe isn’t right for us. Or is it really even what we want?
When we stop and assess the qualities of the individual we are infatuated with we might actually realize they aren’t qualities we want in someone at all. They may even be the opposite of what we want.
I find it interesting how blinding infatuation can be. We meet someone. We find them attractive. They sound like they have it all together. They have an interesting job. They love a lot of the same things we do.
Then as time goes on we might start to discover that their values don’t align with ours. We may even realize that we’re giving more than we’re getting. It turns out not to be a give-take relationship. In fact, it turns out it’s a take-take relationship.
It might turn out that this isn’t a healthy relationship at all. We deserve more. It is important not to lose our values, sight of our goals, and who we are in a relationship. Whomever we decide to share ourselves with should supplement us not takeover who we are.
Sometimes it seems that there’s a fine line between healthy and unhealthy relationships. When that line becomes blurred it can be hard to tell. I have found it helpful to journal and assess various situations in relationships. I also like to make pros and cons lists to make sure that the relationship is helping me and not hurting me. I might not have to say this, but some people may need to hear it, the pros should definitely outweigh the cons. I have also found that there shouldn’t be many what I’ll call “true cons” on our list.
It’s definitely not a joke when the good and the bad are mentioned during a wedding ceremony. No relationship is perfect, but a relationship should also lift us up instead of weighing us down. It is important to really know ourselves and to think about what we really want in another person.
My aunt often told me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. I often have settled in the past. It was because I didn’t think or was led to believe that I didn’t deserve more. As I write this, it saddens me that I felt this way, but it’s important for me to remember this so that I don’t allow myself to settle in the future.
There are so many people in this world. Therefore, I believe that there is someone out there for everybody. Chances are this person will possess many of the qualities that we have been looking for if they really are right for us. And even if they aren’t exactly what we envisioned, they may be better for us in other ways. The universe has a funny way of knowing what we need, sometimes more than we know ourselves.
It takes maturity and sometimes many failed relationships to learn to let go of control. Because we can’t control everything in life. Not everything is what we want it to be, but it might be even better than what we imagined for ourselves.
It is important to trust that we are enough. Focusing on ourselves and trying to become the best version of ourselves tends to work like a magnet in attracting what we’ve always wanted. It can take some people longer than others to figure this out. When we do figure this out, life might become more than what we could have ever controlled it to be.
The unknown still scares me at times. But embracing the unknown and allowing ourselves to grow in discomfort, while difficult in the moment, can be worthwhile. Trust me, I know.
Also trust me that I am still figuring it all out. Because I will never know everything, and I will continue to grow and learn throughout my life. I’m just allowing myself to be more vulnerable because the benefits of this are so much more than if I just hid scared in a corner protecting my feelings all the time. Because that’s no way to live. So cheers to vulnerability and never settling for anything less than what we deserve!